Are the people in the book real? Is everything in the book true?
Have you been contacted by Hollywood yet?
What exactly is print-on-demand?
What are the advantages/disadvantages of print-on-demand?
But isn’t it batshit insane to pass up a traditional book contract to go indie?
Do you recommend indie publishing for other writers?
How do you beat a lesbian in a bar fight?
Will you really cook deep-fried Oreos for my book club?
I’m an aspiring writer. Will you read/recommend my stuff?
Are the people in the book real? Is everything in the book true?
I explain in the book’s acknowledgment that the characters are composites, although everything in the book did actually happen to me or to someone else in the house. At least ninety percent of everything that we did is legal.
Have you been contacted by Hollywood yet?
Yes. A couple of producers and screenwriters have inquired about optioning Sharehouse Confidential, only they're still sitting on the fence. It feels like I'm sixteen years old and a bunch of cute girls have told me that it would probably be fun to kiss me--only that's as far as it goes...
Why did you pass up a contract and an advance from a traditional publisher in favor of print-on-demand?
My almost-editor at that traditional publishing house took me out to lunch long before they finally issued a contract which granted them the right of sole discretion to "make deletions, revisions or additions to the manuscript." This made me nervous as they had issued the contract based on a proposal and the first two chapters. I asked for the right to approve any material changes to the manuscript, but their lawyers wouldn’t budge. A full review of the contract turned up many other aspects that were substandard and I ultimately decided that they weren’t the right publisher for me, and that Sharehouse Confidential would be published through iUniverse, a "print-on-demand" publisher.
What exactly is print-on-demand?
Print-on-demand is exactly what its name implies. The technology now exists to create a book digitally and then produce copies one at a time, eliminating the necessity of a costly print run. It's a nice arrangement as both author and publisher make money on every single copy. (While sparing you the mass-grave indignity of the remainder pile.) Another great aspect of print-on-demand is that your book can stay "in print" forever.
What are the advantages/disadvantages of print-on-demand?
A disadvantage is that I passed up the advance that had been offered to me, although iUniverse pays a royalty that is more than twice what that other publisher would have paid. Now that I'm past the point where I would have "earned out" that advance, I'm much happier to now be receiving that larger royalty.
While print-on-demand contracts are much more favorable to authors, traditional publishers have better distribution, so your book will find its way into more bricks-and-mortar stores. Still, if your book is not properly promoted, having the spine of your book competing with all of the other spines in a massive superstore, there’s a good chance that the only time your cover will be displayed is on the remainder pile. If you’re not a household name, people really have to walk into a bookstore already knowing about you and wanting to buy your book.
But isn’t it batshit insane to pass up a traditional book contract to go indie?
Indeed there were people who though that it was pop-star-shaving-her-head insane to pass up my contract, but I did it for many of the same reasons that indie musicians and indie filmmakers forgo studios and major labels. I had much better creative control. For instance, my almost-publisher distributes many of their books through Wal-Mart. They had yet to read the chapter “Grand Theft Costco” that includes a fast-paced, surreal account of one of my shopping excursions at Costco (during which I have a few less favorable things to say about Wal-Mart). So considering the rather author-unfriendly clause that would have given them the right to “make deletions, revisions or additions to the manuscript,” (not to mention their my-way, highway legal department) I can only guess that the anti-Wal-Mart stuff (and anything else they didn’t like) would have been censored. The contract they had issued would have given them every right to do that. The list of other unacceptable items in that contract is too long to mention here.
Do you recommend indie publishing for other writers?
In most circumstances, I would still recommend that writers try to first publish with established publishers who pay an advance, and to try to get as large of advance as possible. (This has nothing to do with greed. Having a larger advance is the best way to ensure that a publisher will protect their investment by helping to promote your book.) The contract I had been issued was really beyond the pale. Nevertheless, if you're issued a publishing contract, I recommend joining the Authors Guild, which costs only $90. The Guild's legal staff will provide a thorough 75-point review of your contract before you sign it. They'll recommend changes, many of which can be negotiated, and you'll then have a much better idea of just who you’re crawling into bed with. So it’s great that authors can now keep the option of independent publishing in their back pocket. If you have a niche book, or a book with a built-in audience (as I did with the thousands of people who yearly participate in sharehouses, a phenomenon that no one had ever written a book about) the higher royalty of independent publishing may be a stronger option. Today artists are in a better position to get their products to their fans, and in some cases they just don’t need their publisher/label/studio anymore.
How do you beat a lesbian in a bar fight?
First, let me state categorically that gay and transgendered people should enjoy, without caveat, every single right, privilege, and protection afforded to straight people--from serving openly in the military, to marriage, to bar fighting. Nevertheless, bar fights (regardless of gender or sexual orientation) are best avoided. Even if you are hands-down the superior combatant, you’re fighting in a confined space where bystanders cruising on legal and illegal substances can attack from behind with a ready arsenal of weaponry ranging from liquor bottles to cue sticks while your risk of arrest skyrockets. If you’re a guy, you especially want to avoid getting into a bar fight with a lesbian.
Recently, I knocked shoulders in a crowded downtown bar against a rather sturdy biker lesbian decked out like Marlon Brando in The Wild One. Despite my immediate apology, she was all getting in my face and shit, and even though I wanted to back down, she had me cornered and was poking my chest, calling me a “fucking pussy.” While I haven’t punched a girl since the Carter administration, her violent pursuit forced me to size her up. While quite a bit larger than me, she was top-heavy with an awful lot of torso to defend, and I decided that going hard to her body would be the best way to knock the pins out and get her down on the ground. Only then I would be known as the Guy Who Beats Up Lesbians, a distinction on par with being the director of FEMA. Besides, a whole posse of biker lesbians were backing her up and when you consider the inherent unfairness of any bar fight, she more than likely would have mopped the floor with my face. Then I’d be known as the Guy Who Got His Ass Kicked By A Lesbian. Again, it’s just not a distinction I’d particularly care to have attached to me.
The best technique for defusing any bar fight is to employ your sense of humor, only this may not work when dealing with a lesbian who went out that night looking for trouble. Unfortunately, it's best to simply accept that having your manhood challenged by a lesbian will always be a losing proposition. Just get out of there. Run if you have to. There are plenty of other bars filled with nonviolent homosexuals and straight people alike where you can drink in peace.
Can I visit the Chance house?
Absolutely. Click here for details.
Will you really cook deep-fried Oreos for my book club?
Yes. If you are part of a book club with at least ten members (or have a total of at least ten copies to sign) and you meet in the Metropolitan tri-state area, I will come to your meeting, answer any questions, sign your copies, and prepare the favorite dessert of the Chance house: deep-fried Oreos paired with prosecco. Here's what you'll need:
Enough bottles of chilled Prosecco
Oreos
Canola oil
Bisquik
Powdered sugar
Milk
Eggs
That's it. Contact me to set up a time for us to meet and I'll take care of the rest.
I’m an aspiring writer. Will you read/recommend my stuff?
I understand the desire to send writing to writers whose books you enjoy, but this is generally not a worthwhile thing to do. Many writers are lousy editors and we understand too well that there aren’t any shortcuts to duking it out with your material and developing your craft. Books aren’t typically published as a result of connections. There are just too many parties involved and they are not going to compromise themselves for a lesser product. Ten years ago, I met the legendary literary agent Georges Borchardt (who discovered both Samuel Beckett and Elie Weisel) and he told me that he receives at his office nine or ten submissions a day that come to him via friends of friends; meanwhile he only took on eight or nine new authors a year. So you can see how knowing someone who knows even someone on par with Georges Borchardt is just not much of an advantage. If you write something that’s good, it’s going to get noticed and the only way to write something that’s good is to keep at it. The seemingly endless submission process is good for developing writers; once you can get an editor or an agent to actually tell you why what you sent doesn’t measure up, you’re on your way.
Sharehouse Confidential
Sex, Drugs and the Single Life Inside an Epicurean Beach House
